That Floating Poo Was Far Too Symbolic! It's the Television Disappointments of the Year.

Looking back, we consider the television offerings of the past year, a selection of series emerge not for their excellence, but for their spectacular failures. From awkward sequels to bafflingly poor documentaries, here are the productions that left us scratching our heads or just reaching for the remote.

The 'Sex and the City' Sequel

How to start with this love/hate spin-off? Plagued with dreadful writing, cringe-inducing character development (justice for Miranda!), and a mere 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the show struggled to find its footing. Briefly, as the third season began, it looked like it had at last found its groove. Then came an episode centered on Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the showrunner announced this would be the final season. It ended on a low point; the lingering shot of Miranda’s toilet flooded with poo was simply too on-the-nose. Still, viewers undeniably found joy dissecting every single “wtf?” episode. And as Carrie – a single woman once more – danced around her sprawling townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t release a small sob?

All’s Fair

‘Is Kim Kardashian an actress? Of course she can’t.’

But that was almost the least of this show's issues. The subject of a exceedingly uncommon no-star review, it was difficult to know where to start enumerating the flaws. The hilariously leaden writing? The tedious veneration of wealth and materialism? The seemingly wilful parade of tropes? Acting so bad they felt borderline malicious? Let’s just say “each and every one” and forget about this show again. However, a second season has been ordered, so we’re probably going to have to.

AKA Charlie Sheen

Considering the restraining orders, domestic violence allegations and fatherly shortcomings, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a troubled figure. Not that you’d really have gleaned it from this three-part docuseries which chuckled along at Sheen’s various episodes of reckless hedonism while failing to tell us a single thing we weren't already aware of. Instead, it felt as if this volatile personality was being pandered to, so any pity this series might induce should be reserved for the people who have had to endure close contact with this charming but dismissive narcissist.

The Iris Affair

Naturally we understood it was preposterous from the get-go: a drama about a AI known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or annihilate all of humanity. We persevered out of sheer love for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One scarcely cared when his character died, and the other ended up slicing Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. Talk about giving up the ghost.

The Gangster Drama

Dodgy characters meeting in empty boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and wants its crime drama back.

In truth, that is unfair on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many look a little dated now, but at least they didn’t endure the ignominy of having to accommodate unconvincing dialects. But there were many other problems. Mainly that it was just really dull; a dispute over drug-selling territory between various London picaresques which felt rather simplistic.

The Meghan Markle Series

Given the degree to which she grinds the gears of certain ostentatiously angry commentators, it’s temptingly easy to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s various ventures into quaint homemaking as intentional statements. But then you watch them and are forced to concede that in this case, they might have a point. It’s like watching a homeware magazine come to life; a poster for evening drinks with delusions of grandeur; a parade of sleeping dogs, buzzing beehives, sentimental sayings and pointless crafting “hacks” you’ll not remember instantly. All supported by vast, largely undeserved wealth. Ugh.

Victoria Beckham

There are clearly interesting things to be discussed about regarding Victoria Beckham and her struggles with career, identity, self-worth. But for some reason, this three-part series chose not to explore them. Instead, the viewing was akin to consuming a marketing catalogue. She clearly has every right to bridle at what she describes as her “miserable cow” image. But sadly, she didn’t do herself any helps with this cagey non-event of a series.

The Game Show

It should have been the next cultural phenomenon – except even camper, with a famous star as a deceased benefactor and a sharp-tongued personality managing her estate. What more could you ask for? As players battled it out, there was plenty of backstabbing and squabbling. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s still too complicated to detail what precisely was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw glimpses of the star via filmed videos. The series ended up smelling of a programme that was straining desperately to emulate something way beyond it.

The Lena Dunham Romcom

How do you follow a show that defined a generation? The pressure was enormous for this starry romcom about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who lands in London with a broken heart. The star seized the opportunity by the horns and was joyous to watch, reveling in Austen levels of romantic ideals. But it was all very glossy and, ironically, was not enough. Plus, the abundance of famous cameos involved felt icky.

Mitchell & Webb Are Not Helping

Not even good enough to be ‘uneven’.

Given the shrewd recruitment of gifted emerging comics, hopes were high. But sadly, most of it fell flat. A particular sketch was a single joke milked to a dry pulp but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a well-known irate mode. The writing room sketches, meanwhile, simply provoked the thought that they should probably have remained in there a while longer.

The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox

This retelling of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively presented the perspective of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an interesting drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this was not it. The subject matter needed to be handled with care. Instead, the series struggled painfully to find the right voice, lurching from strangely jaunty, slightly mannered farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Twisted? Perhaps. A complete mess? Very much so.

Prime Target

We love the lead actor … but did we buy him playing the most brilliant maths genius since, a man so intelligent he’s on the brink of a breakthrough that could ruin society? No! This globe-trotting thriller about secret services spying on – and eliminating – intellectuals honestly got more absurd by the second. Silliness-by-numbers.

The Bonnie Blue Documentary

This hagiography followed the content creator notorious for explicit exploits as she prepared for her most extreme challenge yet. What on earth would motivate her? What we craved was far greater examination of her true psychology, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have interviewed the now-famous mum who appeared to haul her son away from the queue. What we got was disturbing shots and zero critical analysis of her notoriety whatsoever. And to think, the documentary-maker has a teenage daughter too.